The Polar Spring water cooler has been empty for days, and MetaNet.com employee, Roger, never had the foresight to keep a secret personal stash. Half-crazed and desperate, he did the unthinkable--he drank the tap water. Now the Department of New Media is short-handed and behind schedule, and there's a dead guy cluttering up the hallway. But Roger will be remembered fondly--especially by the lucky employee who manages to swipe his ergonomic keyboard.

The surviving employees spend more time plotting their escape than completing their work. The doors are locked and the windows are welded shut, but everyone has a secret plan to win their freedom. Bill will attempt to flee through the air ducts. Peyton will try to seduce the only person with access to the outside-the Polar Spring Guy. Sweet, nurturing Evie, faced with the threat of promotion, will resort to murder. And Lester? Well, Lester will just keep working. He's perfectly happy, which is why Peyton so desperately wants to kill him. Above it all, watching over everyone, is Dirk, the new Vice President of IT. When necessary, he's perfectly willing to assign discipline. In fact, he's rather looking forward to it.

Meanwhile, in the words of President and CEO, Chaz, "MetaNet.com's complex financial climate is experiencing a front of not-uncataclysmically inclement weather." The company is dying. The only question is: how many of its employees can MetaNet.com take down with it?

My first full-length play, Cubicles, was runner-up for the 2003 Rod Parker Fellowship at Emerson College. It was subsequently performed as part of Emerson's annual New Works Festival. Most recently, it was chosen as a finalist in the City Attic Theatre's C.A.T. Tales Festival, and received a public staged reading in New York City.

A dark comedy satirizing office life in general, with a particular relevance for those unlucky enough to have been employed in the dot com world during the bust of 2001, Cubicles is perfectly suited to regional and college theatres.